he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
