Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
