I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
