And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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