oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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