Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
