The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
