in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
