I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
