Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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