Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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