Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
