and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Is it penis luge time yet?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
