Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
