I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
