Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
