dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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