If i come over, it means nothing
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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