i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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