Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
