I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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