also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
