That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
