peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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