Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
