oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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