Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
