member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
