You're my little dorito
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
