we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
