I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
