You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
