matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
