corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
