I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
