I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
