I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
