didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
