dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
