I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just threw up on my dentist
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
