My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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