please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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