you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
