my being single is dangerous.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
