to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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