dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
