Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
