i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
