I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
