so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
