Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
